60. Holding On Loosely: Finding Peace and Clarity After Letting Go

What if the key to a more peaceful life lies in how we hold on to our ideas and belongings? Join me, Elisa Lindstrom, on this heartfelt episode of the Dear Loves Just Breathe podcast as I unravel the powerful lesson learned from my own divorce and a dear friend's wisdom from recovery. Discover how tightly gripping our preconceived notions and possessions can suffocate our ability to see clearly and grow authentically. By loosening our grasp, we can better evaluate what truly serves us, ultimately finding greater joy and alignment with our genuine selves.

Listen as I share the transformative journey of shifting from a mindset of fear-based attachment to one of gentle curiosity and openness. Through personal anecdotes and practical advice, we'll explore how holding on loosely allows us to assess relationships, homes, and ingrained beliefs in a way that nurtures our well-being and fosters personal growth. Whether you're navigating a challenging relationship, questioning your living environment, or reevaluating long-held beliefs, this episode offers a fresh perspective on cultivating a more manageable and clutter-free life.

Do you want to know the simple steps I teach my clients to help them declutter their homes? Download my FREE guide: Clear The Chaos: A 3-Point System To Help You Declutter Your Home
You can get it here: From Chaos To Calm

You can find my website here: dear loves just breathe

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:07

Hello and welcome to the Dear Loves Just Breathe podcast. I'm Elisa Lindstrom, ex-therapist turned to clutter coach, and I'm here to help you to clutter in a simple, authentic and manageable way, without judgment or shame, so you can have less clutter in your home and life. Hello and welcome to the podcast. Today, I thought it would be good to talk about holding on loosely versus holding on tightly. Now, if you've listened to this podcast before, you may have heard me talk about this, but I think it's something that we need to keep on thinking about, especially for someone who holds on tight. And I'll tell you a little story.

Speaker 1: 1:00

So when I got divorced so when I got divorced, it was very hard for me because I did not I had this really, really strong idea that you get married and you stay married and you work it out and all of these things. I had very, very, very strong ideas and these I held on very tightly. And a friend of mine, a really good friend of mine, came over when everything was happening and my kid was over at my ex-husband's house and it was just me and my friend and she sat there and she held my hands and she explained to me. Now I think she learned this. She's sober and so I think she learned this in recovery and she taught me that when we hold on to things tightly you can't breathe. It can't breathe the idea, the item, there's no wiggle room for it and it makes life harder around that thing. So when you hold on to it tightly you can't necessarily let go of it because you can't imagine anything different. But when you hold on to something loosely, you can sort of examine it and look at it and understand it. So I took that and it took me a while to really get what she was saying.

Speaker 1: 2:48

And it took I mean it took me, it took me a while to understand that this marriage and marriage in general and a lot of things, when we hold on to these ideas that they've got to be done a certain way, that we're not helping ourselves, we think we are. We're holding on to these things out of safety, out of fear. Safety, I should say the idea of safety. It feels safer to hold onto something tighter than it does to hold on loosely. It's almost like we're holding onto it. Like we're holding on. I'm just imagining, you know, you're hanging from a pole over like multiple feet underneath you and you're holding on tightly, right, it's like we've come to this idea that everything in our life we need to hold on like that.

Speaker 1: 3:51

But the truth is, what if? What if we're not on a pole, multiple feet from the air or you know, in the air dangling in the air, holding onto this pole for dear life? What if we're really just holding onto things and we're on the ground and we're safely on the ground and we're just holding onto these things? So if you're in a situation that's life threatening, of course you're going to hold on tightly to stuff. But we can't live our lives where we're always holding on tightly to things. Right, how is that going to help us? How is that going to help us moving forward?

Speaker 1: 4:28

Um, so if, if we can just start to look at things and ideas and ways of doing things and holding onto those so much looser, it brings so much expansion and option and, interestingly, safety, because sometimes when we're holding onto something so tight, we're holding on to something so tight we're not able to see that it might not be safe, whereas if we're holding on to an idea or an idea and thought or a way of doing something, or an actual item or a home, and we hold on to it tight, we're not able to examine it and see is this really the right thing for me? Is this really something that gives me joy? Is this something that connects with who I am, like my authentic self? Is this something that um, moving forward, is who I want to be, um, or is this something that is not, is literally causing harm like? Is this a relationship that's literally causing harm to me in my well-being? Is this a home where there's something about it that's toxic? Or actually literally, like you know, maybe there's mold in the walls or something. There's so many times when we're unwilling to see what's around us because it feels so scary.

Speaker 1: 6:27

And so what I'm inviting you to do is to examine. You don't have to look at your whole life, and if you're listening to this and you're thinking, oh, I kind of do hold on to things tightly or I kind of am holding on to this one thing tightly, I would say don't just let go of everything and don't hold loosely everything all at once. It's more of a slower, gradual thing, where you sort of start to examine different parts of your life, not all at once, because that's overwhelming. And if you're someone who's holding on tight to do that all of a sudden will feel very, it will be very anxiety producing and it will feel like too much, it will feel very unsafe and then you're going to do everything you can to hold on tight again.

Speaker 1: 7:17

But if you were to approach it and say I wonder if there's something in my life where things absolutely have to be a certain way or this is just the way you do it, or, um, you know something I'm my science is because I'm thinking of I've got a lot of clients who and this is I'm really surprised at this that this is kind of been something I've noticed very recently this year, where I'm working with a client who's moving and multiple clients have said to me I, I really want to. I know I need to move, I know that that's what needs to happen, and for multiple reasons, but I worked so hard on this kitchen and I can't let it go. Like I, you should see the kitchen. Or if I'm in the home, the kitchen is beautiful. Look at how beautiful the kitchen is. I can't let this kitchen go.

Speaker 1: 8:23

I put so much time and energy into this kitchen, but the truth is that, for various reasons, all of these people need to leave their home Positive reasons or just for their health they need to leave, or just for their health they need to leave. And it's a kitchen At the end of the day. I 100% get it. I also left a home where I had spent a lot of energy and time in making the kitchen this wonderful place and I also get that kitchen has a lot of symbolism to a lot of us of a place where we. This is the place where we nourish our families. This is the place where we create communities with our friends and connection and you know, sitting around the kitchen table or standing around and offering food and a lot of things happen in the kitchen and it's a wonderful place.

Speaker 1: 9:27

And if you grew up with a grandparent who fed you, you might have spent a lot of time in the kitchen helping them, or a parent who fed you or some sort of caretaker. I have a lot of memories of being in both my mom's kitchen and my nana's kitchen and I definitely understand there's a lot on a kitchen and it's interesting. No one is like, oh, but I did all this work on the bathroom, but anyway, so these kitchens and I understand holding on tight to this idea of all of this work and all of this energy that was put into the kitchen, and I also understand that the move is necessary or change is necessary, for whatever reason, and knowing that you can put all of this love and attention into a new kitchen and if we hold on to these places and spaces loosely and see them as a time and a space in our journey, on our path, and a place where we learned a lot and it can hold a special place for us. But we can't take our kitchens with us right, or we can't. We can't take everything with us all the time. And holding on to things loosely, you're still holding on to it. You're not letting it go, you're still holding on to it, but instead of holding on so tight that it makes it hard and uncomfortable to move forward. Yeah, it's important to try to approach things that way and it's again, this is something that takes time. If you are someone who holds on to things tightly, it's not going to be an overnight thing and that's okay, because that's your journey right. Because that's your journey right. Yeah, that's what I wanted to say today. I hope this helps you in your decluttering journey and I hope this helps you in your life journey. If you have any questions, feel free to reach out to me, and I hope you have a great day. Take care If you have tried to declutter your home but it made zero progress, even though you downloaded all the lists and ask yourself all the typical questions, and you feel frustrated that you aren't getting anywhere, exhausted from all the time and energy you've spent, and ashamed because you think everyone else is doing it better, well, I want to let you know that it's not you.

Speaker 1: 11:59

Those lists and questions are helpful, but they don't give you a system for decluttering. I was in your shoes and it wasn't until I created a simple decluttering system that I made any progress. This is the system I teach my clients to help them successfully sort through the clutter, and I've created a free download explaining the system, just for you. If you'd like to download it today, click the link in the show notes or hop on my website at wwwdearlovesjustbreathecom. Thank you for listening to the Dear Loves, just Breathe podcast. If you like this episode, be sure to subscribe so you can hear it every week as it comes out. If you'd like to know more about decluttering with me, check out the show notes to see how I can help you. Have a great day.